Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Of course I have a pirate flag
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
