you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize