Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
