One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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