what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
