well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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