last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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