Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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