Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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