i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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