I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
