OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
