I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
