Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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