Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
