There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
