I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
