He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
