You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
