I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize