We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
