scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i will never coherently bang her
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
