Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
