my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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