I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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