i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
how do flat chested girls get laid?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
