i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
