Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
