hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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