this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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