party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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