Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
