so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
