he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
