i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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