Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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