Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
