Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
