he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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