the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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