her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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