He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
