Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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