Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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