I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize