Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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