some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
