idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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