theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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