So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
