No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
