I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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