As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
