worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
