So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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