There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
