Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
