had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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