So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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