Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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