That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
