Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
