I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
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