my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
