Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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