things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
