Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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