When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
