I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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