Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
